Why I Switched to Donor Egg IVF by guest blogger Jess Bretin

Navigating the feelings and steps involved

By Jess Bretin, InfertilityandMS.com

The decision to undergo IVF treatment using donor eggs is an enormous one that will have a lasting impact on your family’s future. Everyone hopes to conceive using their own eggs, but what if traditional IVF isn’t working like you thought it would? What if you have a low ovarian reserve and quality? What if the drugs and procedures involved in IVF with your own eggs are more than your body can handle? 

It was all of the above for my husband, Alexis, and me.  

My fertility investigation revealed a very low AMH. Knowing that this could reduce our chances of IVF success with my eggs, we looked to our doctor for reassurance. What was the plan if it didn’t work? To my shock, she began talking about using donor eggs. My cheeks flushed in anger because I thought it was highly inappropriate to mention that at this stage! I wasn’t completely against the idea, but I’d expected her to say that we would try another round and maybe share some encouraging statistics. 

But after our first round, we had just two blastocysts from four eggs retrieved. The first one ended in an early miscarriage, and the second didn’t implant. We were told that another retrieval would likely yield similar results and, since IVF is a numbers game, it could take 5-6 rounds before it would work. This was very upsetting to hear because we had, mentally and financially, planned for 2-3 rounds, if need be. 

Then, things got worse than we could imagine. A few weeks after the miscarriage my body went numb from the waist down, practically overnight. You can read the full story here. One year later, I am (mostly) okay, but am thought to have multiple sclerosis so I’m being treated with a monthly DMT shot. We spoke to a neurologist specializing in pregnancy who believes the drugs used to stimulate the ovaries during IVF could, rarely, trigger an immune response like this one. I could also be at a higher risk after giving birth, but interestingly, pregnancy and breastfeeding seem to have a protective effect on MS. 

Why I Switched to Donor Egg IVF

So there we were, already planning to try donor egg IVF. Though nothing in infertility is a quick solution, IVF with donor eggs tends to have better outcomes due to the use of the assumedly healthy eggs of a younger woman. It would mean I wouldn’t have to risk getting another MS attack with the drugs, or having to go through 1, 2, or 5 more traumatic and painful egg retrievals (they don’t use anesthesia for this in Sweden). 

Getting the process started was, unfortunately, long and stressful. Here are the steps we took: 

1. Psychological Assessment and Another HSG

Our clinic asked us to meet with a psychologist to approve the treatment. I thought it would be more of an open discussion to help us decide, but we quickly realized that we were supposed to have already made the decision, and then he would assess our mental state, stability, and life situation. This took two separate meetings because we needed to take some time after the first one to process it all and ensure that this was, indeed, the right path for us. After many emotional discussions, we knew that it was. 

We were also briefed on the donor laws in Sweden. The child must be told from a young age that they were created with a donor egg and that they have the option to contact the donor at age 18. These laws differ from country to country. 

Additionally, I had to do my third HSG, which is a somewhat painful ultrasound that checks your uterus for abnormalities by flushing it with saline. Sometimes they make you repeat these things before changing treatments. Good times. 

2. Contract and Physical Attributes 

After making us wait six weeks to discuss the psych assessment with the doctors, we were finally approved and asked to come in and sign a contract. The nurse took my photo and noted my height, weight, and racial background. They use this information to locate a suitable egg donor. That’s right, in Sweden, they choose the donor for you; someone who resembles you the most. You can decline and then they will give you a few more choices, but there is no catalog to look through. Being American, this sounded so strange to me, but I suppose it does take away the stress of solely making the decision, ourselves. 

3. Getting Frustrated and Changing Clinics

Our clinic told us to give them 2-6 months after signing the contract to allow them to find a suitable donor and to receive the frozen eggs. I was worried because, even though it was only March, Sweden closes up shop for most of the summer. As I turned 40 in May, I realized that I simply did NOT have it in me to wait until September to get this going. They gave us zero updates or indication of why it would take so long. So I sat down and contacted every single reputable IVF clinic, in and outside of Sweden, asking when we could start a cycle! 

I learned that Finland and Portugal have the same donor laws as Sweden, so I found a highly-regarded clinic in Finland who ran their own bank and had frozen eggs already available!

4. Choosing a Donor

After transferring over our Swedish records, the coordinator at the Finnish clinic sent us a donor option in just a few days! It really made us wonder what could have taken our previous clinic so long. Like in Sweden, you are only allowed to know the donor’s hair, eye color, skin color, ethnic origin, and height. We declined the first couple of choices and then received four at once. Since Finnish people tend to have light hair and eyes (and I have dark hair and eyes), we ended up selecting the donor the coordinator recommended based on my photo. Besides having blonde hair, she has other features which are similar to mine, which made us happy to hear. 

Choosing our donor felt like a big, important step and was, honestly, one of my favorites so far. It made the whole thing very real, which was exciting and a bit scary!

5. Lining Prep and Ultrasound Check 

I, mistakenly, thought that donor egg IVF wouldn’t involve many medications, but my previous clinic had done things quite naturally. The new clinic prescribed me estrogen pills, progesterone suppositories, and two injections to take after the transfer, which help to thicken the endometrial lining and support an early pregnancy. I was nervous to take the same injection that may have caused the MS, but I only had to take it once vs. many for weeks during regular IVF.

Twelve days in, I went for a private ultrasound, and my lining was not cooperating, so we had to increase the drugs. But then we got the go-ahead for a transfer! 

6. Traveling to Finland, Fertilization, and Transfer 

We booked our travel arrangements at the last minute because my lining was being annoying. We went straight to the clinic where Alexis gave a sperm sample. Then came five days of waiting to see how many eggs fertilize and begin to develop. We did some sightseeing to distract ourselves, but it was so stressful! The next day, we found out nine out of ten eggs had fertilized, which was incredible because we thought they were only fertilizing six! In the end, we had six great-looking blastocysts! These were much better results than with my eggs, for sure. They didn’t recommend any testing due to the fact that they’re donor eggs. They checked my progesterone (good numbers), we transferred one embryo, and flew home the next day. 

I was pretty emotional on the day of the transfer. It was another huge milestone that made things feel so real, but this time I kept asking myself if we were making the right decision. Crying in the waiting room, Alexis reassured me that we were.  

Two agonizing weeks of waiting later I was pregnant, but miscarried shortly after. What a rollercoaster. We returned the next cycle and did a second transfer, but I didn’t get pregnant. So far, our results have been the same as they were with my eggs. But the difference is that we have four more embryos to try. Hopefully, it will work next time!

If you’re considering donor egg IVF, I hope that sharing my experience helps you to better navigate this very difficult decision and to understand some of the steps that will likely be involved. Every country does things a bit differently, but this is how it’s been for us so far in Sweden and Finland. If you have any questions, I am more than happy to answer them! You can email me at [email protected].

Additional Donor Resources

Check out my interview with my lovely friend Meta who had her two girls through donor conception. 

Go to interview