Are your beliefs blocking pregnancy?
“I just feel so jealous and angry all the time. This isn’t me. I want to move past this.”
“I can’t stop crying. Infertility is all I ever think about and it’s impacting my work and my relationship.”
“I am terrified of getting pregnant again and can’t imagine ever getting past that six week scan.”
“I want to energetically align with conceiving and call in my baby but I feel like I’m stopping it from happening.”
“When the doctor told us we would have to use donor sperm I thought I was going to throw up. I feel so alone as my partner won’t talk about it.”
“I want to connect to my faith again, I feel like God is punishing me and I’ve lost hope that we will ever have a family.”
Above are some of the reasons that women decide to commit to their own emotional nourishment and join The Embrace Fertility Method.
My job as your therapist
My job as your therapist is to meet you where you are and understand your model of the world. That is, how you view the world and the life you are living.
We start our work together understanding what your beliefs are:
– About your body
– About yourself and the things you say to yourself.
– Your spiritual beliefs
– Your beliefs about trying to conceive, fertility treatments, pregnancy, labour and birth and parenthood.
Our unconscious mind is programmed to keep us safe and it takes its job incredibly seriously.
If a client has the following beliefs then our work is to begin to unpick and reframe. Saying these things to yourself on a regular basis be that consciously or unconsciously are a recipe for anxiety, self-doubt and sabotage.
My body is broken
Last time I got pregnant I miscarried, I can’t cope with that disappointment again.
I’m not strong enough to lose another baby.
I hate my body when I put on weight
Childbirth is painful and I may never recover physically.
Women die during childbirth.
Having children broke my friend’s marriage and now she is struggling to raise her kids on her own.
What if I’m a terrible mother and turn out to be just like my mum?
Iff it does not feel safe for you to conceive, be pregnant, give birth and become a parent. Your subconscious mind may be trying its hardest to keep you safe.
This manifests in anxiety, overwhelm, sabotaging your own attempt to conceive be that by indulging in activities that could negatively impact your fertility such as excessive exercise, drinking or overeating.
Or maybe it’s more subtle, maybe it’s picking that fight with your partner when you know you are ovulating. It’s delaying the appointment at the clinic as it just doesn’t feel safe to start having those conversations.
In the final day of the three day workshop I ran last week I included a guided visualisation where I asked the participants to imagine each stage of trying to conceive, getting pregnant, going into labour, giving birth, holding their baby for the first time and then imagining their child at various ages right up into their 30s.
“Does this feel safe?”
At each stage I asked the question;
“Is there any resistance here? Does this feel safe?”
Sometimes it’s as simple as working through your fears consciously, journaling about them, mismatching them with the technique I taught on day two with the PROP statement.
Then spending time visualising what you want, seeing it going well and feeling good. This instructs your mind and body that this is what you want and it is safe for you to want it. Most importantly it is safe for you to have it.
Other times we need to go deeper, we need to create a strong foundation of safety within your mind and body, we need to bring in energy work such as emotional freedom technique or AMDR to reprogram the neural pathways in your mind to release past trauma.
This is what I do. I have spent the past 8 years working in the field of fertility and the emotional side of infertility is a subject matter that is rarely talked about. We as a society are merrily lining women up to go into expensive, intrusive and physically draining treatment before looking at the underlying emotional reasons why they are not able to get or stay pregnant.
I myself went through 4 rounds of fertility treatment. I entered the first three feeling anxious, depressed and struggling to cope both physically and emotionally.
The fourth round was successful but I miscarried eight weeks later.
The two natural pregnancies that followed can only be explained as luck by western medicine. I personally believe that it was due to the emotional shifts I had experienced over the previous 18 months.
However my story must be left at the door as we enter a therapy session.
If your belief is that the stress you’re experiencing is having a negative impact on your fertility then I can help.
If your belief is that it’s not safe for you to get pregnant then I can help.
If your belief is that our beliefs have no bearing on our physical bodies and you just want to feel less anxious and angry all the time then I can help.
If your belief is that you won’t cope during this next round of treatment and you want empathic emotional support both in preparation and during then I can help.
If your belief is you will completely fall apart if this next round is not successful then I can help.
Listen to more on this topic on my podcast.