I wrote about my miscarriage in my blog ‘When 2 became 3 then back to 2 again’ as it was happening and promised to report back on how I am coping. The descent into a black hole has not materialised, I had really expected to plummet back down into a low following the miscarriage but I haven’t. I feel surprisingly okay and even began questioning why! It feels like I did all my grieving already, two years ago every period felt like the loss of a baby as I expressed in ‘The Unborn Mother’. When it actually came to losing the first baby we have ever created it felt different, like they just slipped away, it feels sad rather than gargantuan. I still have thoughts that in the past overwhelmed me “What if I never get to be a mum?” but now I have the tools to prevent that thought from taking over.
Last Saturday would have been 12 weeks – announcement day sharing with the world that we were to be parents. Luke and I planned a weekend of joy! Friday night dinner on Greek Street in Soho, 3 courses and a glass of prosecco since they had it on tap! We followed that up with cocktails on the rooftop garden on the Southbank. Saturday morning we were Moo Canoeing in Limehouse basin, we spent the afternoon walking the Thames Path and visiting each of the tiny smugglers pubs along the way that have beer gardens overlooking the river. Saturday night was movie night in with popcorn and Sunday was spent at the Olympic Park, Luke cycling in the velodrome then lunch out with friends. This list includes many things that we had stopped doing in the pursuit of parenthood, drinking, staying up late, cycling, ‘dangerous’ watersports, having fun!
So many of us put our lives on hold while trying to conceive, telling ourselves that we will be happy when we are pregnant/a parent. As I write in my blog ‘I’ll be happy when I’m pregnant vs what can I do to feel better right now?’ there is no endpoint once you are a parent, no time when you take a breath and say phew I’ve made it. If you can learn to appreciate each day for what it has to offer rather than focusing on what you believe it lacks then you will find your life becomes so much more enjoyable.
The weekend just gone everyone in the country wanted to be at Glastonbury, but hand crafting a kitten castle out of an old box, some buttons and a length of ribbon was way more fun! The little cat mentioned in my blog post ‘Fight, Flight or Freeze and the Fox’ adopted us the day after we started IVF last September and recently produced four miniature reproductions! Kittens are by far the best infertility / miscarriage support EVER! A couple of years ago I forgot what it felt like to have fun and kept planning to be happy in the future when I have my kids. Making yourself happy is a choice. Do something every day which is purely for the fun of it. I know it can feel impossible but practice makes perfect!
What did you do last week which was purely for fun?
You can have fun NOW, you can be happy NOW.
What will you do this week which is purely for the fun of it?
Last summer I set the intention to really look after myself, to practice mindfulness, to really notice how I was speaking to myself and others and to nourish myself the best I could. ‘This summer I promise myself‘. I invite you to make one promise to yourself right now…….. make this the best summer ever.
My blog posts and support group have always been about sharing how to get happy rather than how to get pregnant. I believe that anyone who tells you that if you follow a certain set of rules and you will get your baby, be that doctors, therapists or friends are belittling the wonder of creating life. Yes you need to pair up egg and sperm but apart from that everything else is helpful rather than necessary. Focus on getting yourself happy rather than getting yourself pregnant and guess what the statistics show that you are more likely to conceive!*
After completing an eight-week mindfulness-based stress reduction course I became fascinated in the mindbody link and left my career in furniture design and project management to focus on myself and my health. I retrained as an EFT practitioner and am about to complete 10 months training in cognitive hypnotherapy and neuro linguistic programming.
For the whole of this month I am offering a £10 discount on EFT Skype sessions. For more info on EFT see ‘Introducing Emotional Freedom Technique‘ and contact me for your free 20 minute consultation to discuss how I can support you to create lasting change in your life and get happy NOW.
I will also be available for hypnotherapy sessions from the 14th July and am offering hour long initial consultation sessions free of charge. Contact me to book your free session which can either be via Skype or in person in Crouch End North London or Moorgate central London.
* Being happy counteracts stress and stress impacts ovulation read more and view the statistics ‘Is evolution stronger than psychology? Stress versus fertility.’
I am also putting together the following MP3’s please let me know if there is any other subject you would be interested in:
Hypnosis for happiness while trying to conceive
Hypnosis for relaxation
Hypnosis to support natural conception – Her
Hypnosis to support natural conception – Him
Hypnosis to support IVF / ICSI
Hypnosis for your two week wait
Hypnosis for recovering from miscarriage
Hypnosis for early pregnancy – first-trimester
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